I grow the most after something traumatic happens. From what I've heard, that's how it is for a lot of people. If something terrible happens (in the scheme of things, nothing that's happened thus far in my life qualifies as truly beyond awful, I've had it pretty easy so far!), I always grow from it, which is something I'm happy about. Could be worse, I guess I could be one of those people who becomes insecure and retracts into themselves. I sort of expand outwards when I'm upset, and I realize how precious the connections and the love I do have are.
What I'd like to be able to do is have that sort of growth when there is an absence of tumult in my life. I've improved on that immensely in the past year or so. It's kind of like constantly thinking to breathe- you have to look at things differently, and you have to allow yourself to see the things that are wrong and right about you every single day. It ain't easy, but I'm trying.

It's safe to say that I'm excited about everything. Ev-er-y-thing. Being alive is the coolest thing that's ever happened to me (with good reason), and in living and changing and flowing it's incredibly exciting, even when it seems mundane.

No one can give themselves time. Time runs past, and you exist as you have to next to it. It's not something we can physically dole out or handle or comprehend, mostly because it isn't real or quantifiable. We invented clocks and watches to tell us where we should be when our activities became too complicated for the sun's movements to schedule. Every moment exists alone, indefinitely.
In these moments, we find our lives. Or perhaps threaded through a specific sequence of these moments we find our lives. Our lives are something that we can handle. You can 'have all the time in the world' as they say, but if you haven't put any life into that time, then what is it worth to you?
And so I'd like to amend this question to "Do you give yourself enough life?"
I think I could do better at that. I think that I could be giving myself more, but seeing how the people around me squander their own lives, I'm probably not doing so bad with giving myself enough of this life.
And so I have full intentions of giving myself a ridiculously exorbinant, excessive amount of life.

I looove philosophical conversations with people who aren't afraid to change their minds, and with people who are willing to see the other side of things.
But you know what else I also love? I love inane, silly, pointless conversation. Words that don't seem to amount to anything of importance, but when looked back upon held so much bonding and creativity that it seems crazy that I could ever consider them anything but profound.

My friends are people who I can speak both ways with. The people I love are those with whom I can mesh the two ways.

My insecurities.
I feel so much stronger, fuller, and happier, and if I would have realized how easy it was to let insecurity skedaddle, I would have done it a looong time ago.

A bridge between people. I think it would be absolutely wonderful if everyone on this planet could see that the layers they're constantly piling on are poisoning them, and that if they let them loose they could see how incredibly lovely everyone is. I wonder if I could make goggles to do this?
That would be awesome.

Quite a few, haha...

My dad once predicted that I'd be able to do whatever I wanted. I didn't believe him until I said to myself one day after soul searching and wondering what I could possibly do with my life (ah, college.) "Hey! You know what? You can do whatever the hell you want!" My next thought was "...Wow. Dad was right." (not the first time I've thought that). It's completely true, and I say that not out of an inflated ego, but out of knowing that it's something that's true for anybody.

A friend once told me that if I could learn to let go of judging other people, life would become immeasurably happy. I've started to let go, and he was so right.

My mom always knew I'd be short. Big surprise. No one except my dad, however, ever believed that I would be able to jump or run the way I do (track and field jumpers and sprinters are generally a wee bit taller than myself). Again, dad gets points for being always right.

Okay, so imagine your life as this whirling vortex of stuff- family stuff, world stuff, relationship stuff, school stuff, personal demons stuff, etc. Your brain processes all this stuff like an x-ray machine- it analyzes every detail as it pertains to you, which can make you happy or sad, insane or rational. This isn't a bad thing, persay- it can help you sort things out and make sense of the storm that's going on around you. However, it can't make you happy in any real sense.
Your heart, or your soul, or your limbic system- however you want to call it- is the voice saying "Whoa! Reee-lax, pal. You're looking into things too much."
A lot of people don't listen to this voice. The people who do realize that it offers the same sort of relief as the first breath of air after being underwater for a long time. You gasp, take a look around, and are able to seriously sort things out- not just superficially. Your own sense of what's important, what's dangerous, what's hurting and what's nurturing you starts to speak to you. When you're able to do that and listen to that voice, you start feeling peace in your actions. Things don't damage you like they did before, they simply pass by because you know that there's no reason for them to scar you.
That's my peace, at least.

Vitality. It's the base of every emotion and reaction, and the driving force behind me as a human being. It's also something I hope I never ever deplete.

It comes from the book "The Alchemist," and it's that all things are one.
I think it can be extended so far and through so many aspects of the world- everything is interconnected, all pain is equal, as is all love, karma and the nature of human existence as being tied to everything that has come before it.

That it is so much easier to let go of grudges and anger than to hold on. And, contrary to popular belief, letting go also makes you a lot stronger than accumulating crappy feelings. Crutches of hatred aren't crutches that ease anything; they only complicate and chip away at the positive things. When I started living with that idea, I realized that you can actually learn to like everyone.
I sound like a mushy hippie, and I love it that way.

I believe in karma to a certain (and large) extent. I think that if we look at our lives and the people we've affected and who have affected us we see a lot of parallels. I think there's a sort of transfer of energy going on with what we do (energy cannot be created or destroyed!), and that energy effects us throughout our lives. If you fill your life up with negative energy and actions, then it won't spontaneously turn into this wonderfully positive life.
I also believe in flukes- blips in the paths that we're on. These blips can make or break you in the sense that if you have faith that you're heading in the right direction, a snag won't knock you off the road. If you're not certain, then that blip might send you running in another direction or on the flip side make you completely certain of your path. In that sense, I think a lot of life is pure luck and chance.
Karma can give you a good idea of how you're doing, but in the end you decide your karma, and you make your own luck.

And so i say,
Bonne chance mes amis!

I was (and still kind of am) naive about the fact that not everyone defines things close to the way I do. I should word that better- the fact that the people who I consider to think and perceive things somewhat like I do, people on my 'frequency' if you will, don't always define things close to the way I do. It hurts when that comes to light- that someone you're close to thinks friendship or love or heartbreak are completely different things with different values than you when you thought you had similar perspectives.
The good thing about that is that after the initial clash of ideas, you understand each other much better.

This is going to be a random, eclectic little list. Fitting, actually.

My dad, hands down, is the person who most reminds me of myself. It's impossible to fully explain in words, but let me leave it at this- if you knew us, you'd agree wholeheartedly.

Serendipity. She's a cat that lives in my house. She's not my cat or my family's cat, she's just a cat. She cuddles and purrs all over the place, so long as you don't pursue her. As soon as you start to bend down and pet her or pick her up, she bolts. If she's in the mood to be, she's loveable, and when she's not, don't bother.

Alice. Thrust into Wonderland, asking questions, trying her best to be fearless.

Learning that most of it isn't difficult at all. That we overcomplicate love until it's unrecognizable and scary.That we refuse to accept it for what it is- something that exists to nurture, not to tether, and something that is endless, not finite.

There have been a few times when I've felt really peaceful. I remember a few of them happening when I was on a run. Where I live there's this park that ends at the shoreline of a bay, so I sit there and catch my breath for a bit mid-run.
It's total stillness there, and there's very few people who are around the area, so it's amazingly quiet. In the summer I take my shoes off and put my feet in the water. There's these tiny grayish fish that start to float near me after a few minutes. If I stand long enough, they swim right over my feet in little darting movements, resting every so often right on top of my foot. It's such a strange feeling, but mindblowing when I really think into it- how often do average people get to connect with nature like this? It gives me an immense sense of peace and calm, knowing that these tiny creatures trust my presence enough to rest on me.

I wrote something!
surprise, surprise.

Slip out past my hands
like so many flickerflakes of ice
I wonder if I could hold on
if i tried
not if i wanted to, because i do
or if i was able to, because i don't know if
but if i tried.
i can still try.
this will mean letting go of past things along the way
losing all of what it is i am before arrival
i will still try.
If it cracks at the heart
(and it will)
if it breaks our will
(it will fail)
and if it rips a million little fissures to cover all i can see of the world
it will only be so for a time.
(and we'll meet on the other end)